Monday, February 09, 2004
Full Length Feature
Hazard by Richard Marx
The Spoof version by Midnight
Starring:
~ Some nameless guy
~ The Godfather
~ El Mariachi
~ Mini-Me
~ Barbie
After his father got killed in a hail of bullets by the Mafia, his mother, who was also on the run, brought the seven year old to Hazard town. After all, no one looks for criminals in towns called Hazard so it would be safe, she reasoned. Dead wrong. She had no idea that Hazard was actually the hometown of The Godfather…
Being an albino, everyone thought him odd and spread malicious rumors about him. This made him grow up an angsty young man. Now, there was this beautiful Barbie doll in town, named Mary. It was love at first sight for the two of them, from the moment he stepped into town. Mary was the only one who looked beyond the gossip and saw the Mini-Me inside him. The two often went dating in the river, skinny dipping together until the sunset and the stars twinkled above. He loved skinny dipping and she loved the sunset. They were the perfect couple.
One day, she could no longer stand him. (What with his fetish for skinny dipping and all. Plus, this is only a ten year old kid we are talking about!) She disappeared without a trace one night so that he could not torture the rest of the townsmen for information on her whereabouts.
The next morning, the townsmen woke up and GASP! The Godfather’s daughter, Mary, was missing. For the fear of waking up one morning and finding a horse’s head in their beds when the Godfather got wind of this, they all decided that “HE DID IT” and chased him out of town with machine guns.
Now, Mary’s disappearance brought about a great change in the angsty young man. All the anger and thirst for revenge that was bottled up in him and smoothed over by Mary came bursting out. So, he decided to take his revenge on the town with a hail of bullets, leaving no survivors.
Hard as he willed himself to forget her, he was still driven by lust. So, he decided to leave town soon and collect the blood debt owed him by the Mafia by demanding the return of his beloved Barbie doll. However, that decision was taken out of his hands. Tales of his bloody revenge had spread and his fame had grown. A mysterious letter arrived for the young man one fine morning.
Soon, he had joined the ranks of Desperados and aided El Mariachi in his adventures on the silver screen, leaving boring old Nebraska town for Hollywood glitter.
Once he had tasted fame, there was no rescue for him anymore and he spent the rest of his days drowning in wave after wave of adoring fans. And here is the nameless young man’s most famous quote: “Who needs Barbie dolls when you got groupies?”
The Spoof version by Midnight
Starring:
~ Some nameless guy
~ The Godfather
~ El Mariachi
~ Mini-Me
~ Barbie
After his father got killed in a hail of bullets by the Mafia, his mother, who was also on the run, brought the seven year old to Hazard town. After all, no one looks for criminals in towns called Hazard so it would be safe, she reasoned. Dead wrong. She had no idea that Hazard was actually the hometown of The Godfather…
Being an albino, everyone thought him odd and spread malicious rumors about him. This made him grow up an angsty young man. Now, there was this beautiful Barbie doll in town, named Mary. It was love at first sight for the two of them, from the moment he stepped into town. Mary was the only one who looked beyond the gossip and saw the Mini-Me inside him. The two often went dating in the river, skinny dipping together until the sunset and the stars twinkled above. He loved skinny dipping and she loved the sunset. They were the perfect couple.
One day, she could no longer stand him. (What with his fetish for skinny dipping and all. Plus, this is only a ten year old kid we are talking about!) She disappeared without a trace one night so that he could not torture the rest of the townsmen for information on her whereabouts.
The next morning, the townsmen woke up and GASP! The Godfather’s daughter, Mary, was missing. For the fear of waking up one morning and finding a horse’s head in their beds when the Godfather got wind of this, they all decided that “HE DID IT” and chased him out of town with machine guns.
Now, Mary’s disappearance brought about a great change in the angsty young man. All the anger and thirst for revenge that was bottled up in him and smoothed over by Mary came bursting out. So, he decided to take his revenge on the town with a hail of bullets, leaving no survivors.
Hard as he willed himself to forget her, he was still driven by lust. So, he decided to leave town soon and collect the blood debt owed him by the Mafia by demanding the return of his beloved Barbie doll. However, that decision was taken out of his hands. Tales of his bloody revenge had spread and his fame had grown. A mysterious letter arrived for the young man one fine morning.
Soon, he had joined the ranks of Desperados and aided El Mariachi in his adventures on the silver screen, leaving boring old Nebraska town for Hollywood glitter.
Once he had tasted fame, there was no rescue for him anymore and he spent the rest of his days drowning in wave after wave of adoring fans. And here is the nameless young man’s most famous quote: “Who needs Barbie dolls when you got groupies?”
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